Marriage is full of surprise and success has a lot to do with how we deal with that. We learned early on that getting caught up in what we should or shouldn’t do in our marriage based on ideas from outside it wasn’t going to get us to the best answer for us. Gender roles can be incredibly inhibiting for some and we weren’t in this to inhibit each other.
At some point I figured out that I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who had their own ambitions, ideas, financial independence, crazy, and power. Yes, I included crazy. Without a little crazy I’d be sure that didn’t know the real man behind the mask of modern masculinity. What I didn’t know was that it was going to be those very ambitions and the need for autonomy that they would cause that gave us a better grip on intimacy, but only so long as we were ready to be vulnerable and to share all of our lives with each other. They gave us an opportunity to work together at creating strategies that helped us negotiate better in and outside of our relationship.
I don’t have it completely figured out, I probably never will. As with all things gender related, it takes deliberate work to not fall into the places society wants you to go and stay on the road that leads where you want to go.
I am still reading a book for this month’s theme that will be reviewed. It’s about male loneliness as they reach the “top” and very interesting. I have not gotten a chance to finish it but will as soon as is reasonable.
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