I may spend most of my time at work, but I do eventually get to come home. I get to come home to a pretty awesome family. As many say about marriage, it takes constant work to make it work well. It takes constant compromise to make it accommodate both parties. Some give up, some don’t. This consistency isn’t a bad thing, either. People grow and we can choose to grow together by continuing to work on these compromises, or we can choose to grow apart by ignoring them.
The same way that all people want different things, all families work on different principles. The things that make my family work grows over time. We meet someone or have a conversation or read a book with a revelation and it can change our processes. One good idea can change everything, but so can a bad idea. There is so much more to a working relationship than whether or not you enjoy each other’s presence today, because when we agree to build a life together, we cannot exclude either person. I don’t say this to advocate that women should go to work or that men must solely be the financial support of their families. In times like these, we can’t stick to a single story of what marriage is or how it works.
If all women and men were the same, we wouldn’t need to court or date and we definitely wouldn’t have an LGBT community. The needs of the people in the relationship must be met and whatever genders are in the home must coexist. Having two or more of the same gender isn’t exactly a perfect recipe for success, so I don’t think it matters which are where. What matters is that we make it work in our own relationships and for our own lives.
This month will concentrate on what happens in these relationships, specifically our romantic relationships. The way that spouses, partners and significant others treat us and we treat them is an important part of the struggle for gender equality.
I’ve only read one book on it so far, which also covers what happens to children during these times of blended families and divorce. The book is The Unfinished Revolution: Coming of Age in a New Era of Gender, Work, and Family
Most of the posts that I’ve written on the subject are actually entertainment based. There’s the way that Spider-Man toes the line with respecting Gwen Stacy’s autonomy. There’s how Catwoman is my favorite comic character and partly because of the way she holds her own independence and an unusual relationship with Batman. There’s the way that Maleficent supports Frozen’s idea of not all love being true and not all true love being romantic. There’s even more on the ways the Disney princesses defy their gender roles sometimes. Then there’s Arrow’s Felicity, not allowing herself to be strung along by his need to be the Green Arrow. There were two previous posts that do apply to relationships, one is about cis people not sticking their noses into how non-binary people identify their sexual orientation or their relationships. Call it what they call it. The other is about that we can’t have it all, but not just we women. I don’t think anyone has the it all that they talk about. I don’t think we live in a world where we can offhandedly assume that men aren’t responsible for child care or housework.
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