off the reservation, into the weeds and down the rabbit hole


This is how I feel sometimes as I get deeper into reading about gender. I’ve gone too far into it to be able to look at the world without seeing sexism everywhere. Every interaction gets taken apart and dissected for signs of deeper meaning. Did he do that because he’s a man? Was I expected to do that because I’m a woman? Am I thought of as more of a male brained woman because I can do math? Do people not consider me feminine because I work in a male-dominated job that sometimes involves manual labor and math and science? Was I asked to do the paperwork because people assume that women are good at computer processing and paperwork?

I feel like I never know. I take breaks sometimes and read other stuff when it gets too bad. I got Delusions of Gender as an audio book to listen to on the way to work while I finished reading through Fragments of Gender. I realize that this is part of my problem, but I didn’t have that realization until halfway through chapter one. I love writing this blog and everything has been so interesting, I just want to devour it all. I just have to remind myself sometimes that I have to step away so as not to dissect every thought I have. Delusions of Gender started getting into intrinsic and extrinsic thoughts on gender and some studies and I found myself second guessing everything!

It is important to second guess your world, I think, just not all of it at the same time.

I am also very interested in the concepts that it presents of the wardrobe of self, the active self and the ways that gender roles are subconsciously queued. They mention a study that it makes a difference on the score of a test if you have to check a box for gender at the beginning of the test. Women and men are more likely to perform on the subject within their gendered expectations. If the gender box isn’t presented one of the things that needs to be filled in at a test, scores tend to be relatively equivalent between the two majority genders. I found this interesting and it made me think about the standardized tests I’ve had to take in life and how much it may have effected my outcomes. I’ll never really know.


Acts17:12 has an interesting mention of women to me. It says “Many of them therefore believe, with not a few of the Greek women of high standing as well as the men.”

I wonder why he specifically mentioned the women that way. This part of the chapter discusses the reception received by Paul and Silas at Thessalonica and then goes into the harassment they got later when another group from another town tracked them down.

What I thought was interesting about this passage was not just that it mentioned the women, but it mentions their individual choice to listen to and believe in Paul’s teaching and Christ. No single point of faith should be built on a single passage, but I feel like this is one of those passages that contributes to the idea that each person makes up their own minds about faith. It makes it look to me like faith and Christianity was never one of those things where the male headship decided for the family. Each person has to make their own choice. This doesn’t absolve the headship from ensuring that each member has the opportunity, for the staunchly patriarchal societies and those with lingering patriarchal tendencies, at least.


One of the things that irritates me on anti-feminist and feminazi type sites is this perspective that once we have (or since we have) equality, the world will be perfect and everyone will be nice to each other. I don’t understand that thought process. The point should be to disestablish privilege of all types, not to establish a new privilege. That just means that women and men are equally likely to be disposable, sexually harassed, sexually assaulted, die at work, become homeless, and all the rest of the host of bad stuff that happens. I really think that people who think that these will go away entirely in a state of equality are kidding themselves. Of course, raw numbers will have to be adjusted per capita when integrating these same concepts and the other genders that people like to forget exist or tend to not acknowledge when having this debate.

Not many feminist or masculist forums mention or include any form of gender variant people, so their disposability and workplace death rate isn’t very important to men’s rights or masculists since they aren’t men, even though it is an issue of theirs. There is this lack of inclusiveness among issues that strictly genders them and I think it seriously distracts from our ability to get anything done. If the men and women are arguing over whether it is more important to be disposable or to be sexually assaulted, then I think that everyone is missing the point.

Why can’t the two groups support each other and get it all done? Advocates working together equally on issues would certainly send a message of how important actual equality is to those who are lawmakers, I think. But it’s still quite far from happening and I think the culprit there is pent up, biased baggage.

Maybe we’ll get over it. If anyone (masculist, feminist, non-binary advocate or otherwise) wants to join me on this perspective, maybe we can work together and start a movement of our own.

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5 thoughts on “off the reservation, into the weeds and down the rabbit hole

  1. Two things. First, if your seeing SEXISM everywhere, your seeing much more sexism than actually exists. Gender roles do affect most things and are everywhere. The very existence of or adherence to gender roles doesn’t mean it’s sexism. You where assigned the task of doing the paperwork because your female, but that doesn’t make it sexist. Did getting assigned the paperwork hurt your career path? Was there some other task that you wanted to do and could do better? Using arbitrary rules about arbitrary things, like gender, isn’t sexism if no harm comes from it. While this makes them self fulfilling proficiencies, it doesn’t make them bad.

    Second, there is a reason there is little talk of non-binary genders in MRA discussions. Feminism made a push to be all inclusive. This backfired. To talk in broad strokes, you need a broad brush and that is the binary genders. To be all inclusive would require 2-3 pages of inclusions every time I want to say a gender. This lead many factions of feminism to constant infighting and semantic squabbling over gender labels for non-binary gendered people. MRAs are avoiding this. Also, individual that are truly outside the gender binary are exceptionally rare, making up less than 1% of the population. Commentary about non-binary gendered people within the MHRM isn’t that far off from proportionally diverse.

    • OK, well, to address those items:
      First, the point was that I was feeling a little crazy and taking a little time to step away and get it back together. Those were fictitious scenarios to illustrate the point. I recognized the crazy and wanted to share because I don’t think I’m the only one who has ever felt this way. In my attempt to reach people through this blog, I want them to know that if they get to feeling a little extra crazy sometimes or questioning too much, its okay because it happens.
      Second, the point was that getting allies in all the camps might be a better way to make resolutions happen. We should be sticking up for each other more, especially where gender may overlap issues. Perhaps a better example may have been that feminists and masculists should work together for paid family leave because it would inherently benefit both.

      Anyway, I didn’t mean to offend if I did. These Monday posts are an opportunity to share some of the miscellaneous things that come to my attention or go screaming through my head.

      • Hyperbole to make a point. I understand and respect that. You just ran afoul of Poe’s Law.

        If I am offended or not, this is not your problem. Offense is an emotion and I and I alone control my emotions. Saying that you should take ownership of someone else’s emotions and decided for them how they feel is one of the things that really annoys me. (You don’t say this, but I see it alot in other places)

        Since this is a post about needing a brain break from gender issues, I will respect that and not comment further on them on this post.

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