Yes, Women Can Be Confusing

the same gender is still different

My workplace is only 14% female, so I tend to get a lot of questions about understanding women. The questions are always vague and mostly in anticipation of something going wrong or after some major argument. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Women are confusing because they are cognitive individuals and don’t answer to any form of Hive Mother.

Assuming that all women want the same thing is just as wrong as assuming that all men want the same thing. .

In the political arena, any given woman wants exactly what she just said she wants. No guesswork is required. Most of it amounts to laws that keep her and everyone she knows safe from anything that she considers tyranny. But tyranny is a word with many meanings.

I promised not to talk about abortion, and I’m not going to. I’m going to talk about the political issue itself and not the fine points or either side specifically. This is an issue mired in controversy. There had always been the religious and the secular sides. It is in your face all the time. Some would not believe that there is a huge population in this country that could care less either way. It doesn’t impose upon them. Then there is a huge population that it does matter to. There is the people standing directly on either side of this argument. They are men and women and they both have beliefs that the other one considers tyrannical and ridiculous. That is why it is an ever-losing battle. It’s consistency as an outcry of the feminist movement has also contributed to the out-for-themselves way that many people view feminists. This issue causes equal and opposite reactions on the two sides but there is also a middle ground. There are those people, men and women, who change the channel when they see the topic on television. There are people who just don’t care. People it will never effect. People who just want the noise to stop. People who don’t feel like they have the right to judge a situation that they have not been put in and don’t even know which side to swing toward.

So those are all some vague standpoints of women on just one issue that is important mostly only to women. So I see how we are a confusing gender. We’re only confusing when you look at us as a gender, though, and never bother to look at us as individuals. Every “classic” women’s argument has women opposing it too. Not every bride wants a big wedding and not every bride sees it as her day alone. Some realize that there’s a groom there, a whole other person that the day is actually about celebrating a union with. Politically and personally, you just can’t look at women or women’s issues as if we all agree cohesively, and it’s not just a sisterhood where we agree just to disagree with men.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret. Women want to be complimented. That’s not just in the “you look pretty today” kind of way. We want to be complimented in the mathematical way. We want you to be strong in the things we are weak and we want to be strong for you in the place where you are weak. We want to be with someone whose naturally non-judgmental presence makes us feel at ease. We want to be with someone who inspires us by his (or her in some cases) actions. We want someone who we are proud of when he talks about what he’s done too and that inspires us to support him, rather than demand it. That’s what complimenting someone really is and its also why its hard to answer the question “what do women want?”

We all want different things because different things compliment us and we have different points of view.


2 thoughts on “Yes, Women Can Be Confusing

  1. Great post! I completely agree. I hate that old trope “Women are so complicated/confusing.” We’re just as complicated as men are! Each of us is our own individual and cannot be defined by one part of our identity alone. Every individual is complicated — it’s not a matter of gender.

    Also, in the last paragraph I think you mean “complementing.” That clears up the confusion with the other term “complimenting.” (sorry, I’m not trying to be a grammar nazi at all, just thought it was something that was directly related to the message you were trying to convey, otherwise I wouldn’t care at all about your spelling, haha) 🙂


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